July 7, 2012
Self-Infliction Not of the Flesh

It's Josh.

It sounds melodramatic, but I have lost myself. There is blood on my mind. A crimson tide breaking constantly on the shore. I don't know if would feel this bad if I had killed a man using a gun or my bare hands. It feels like I'm only here now because Sarah is propping me up, distancing the pain, even if it's only for a while. I can't describe the feeling when she induces the emotion in me. I probably only notice it because I am aware it is external. At first I resisted it, then I gave in and found that I really needed. Now, she is only taking the worst of the edge off of it, or else I may never recover.

A killer is off the streets, and I was almost one of his victims, but I feel almost worse for having stepped in. I can only wonder why it is that people are wired that way, to feel so bad for having done what needed doing. Even remembering his threats against Sarah only helps a little.

I can't tell you how many days it has of hasn't been since I did it. I can still feel it as if it was just a moment ago. The oddest thing happened during our fight... When his head hit the ground that final time there was a bright flash that obscured my vision and a burst of excruciating pain that felt like everywhere inside of me, all at once, but at the same time felt far away like a memory of banging your head on a cupboard. I don't know what that was.

Tags: empathy (psychic), guilt, Joshua Rhoads, murder, MyWayNow, psychic, psychokinesis, Sarah Jayne, suffering, web administrator.